I Am A Failure

Had an interesting conversation with a friend recently. She commented about the header on my blog (A sarcastic Christian author taking the the publishing world by storm…one rejection at a time). She mentioned that “…it kinda sounds like you don’t think much of yourself.”

So I admitted to her: I don’t. At all.

Let me clarify, before the Bible thumping begins. Yes, I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And that I’m God’s workmanship. Also, that the Lord has a plan for my life. People…I’m a pastor’s kid.

I fully expect to facepalm in this writing journey stuff. I’ve already collected lots of rejections for stories I thought were spectacular. But here’s the truth about me:

I believe I will fail.

This is my secret. A dose of self-deprecating keeps it real for me, so that when I do fail, the fall is not so far. This is why rejections only hurt me a little. It’s like a bee sting–hurts at first and eventually goes away.

I’m guessing that there is someone horror-stricken by my confession. “She doesn’t think God is in control!”

Au contraire.

God’s given me this self-defense mechanism. I write because He’s given me stories. Sure, it’d be fanfreakingtastic to have a traditional publisher be all, “Here’s a fat contract.” But from where I stand, I don’t suffer any broken bones when I’m told no…even if it’s in a polite email.

There are approximately a million quotes on failure, but this one will show you my heart’s point of view (and writer’s know POV):

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