I Am A Failure

Had an interesting conversation with a friend recently. She commented about the header on my blog (A sarcastic Christian author taking the the publishing world by storm…one rejection at a time). She mentioned that “…it kinda sounds like you don’t think much of yourself.”

So I admitted to her: I don’t. At all.

Let me clarify, before the Bible thumping begins. Yes, I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And that I’m God’s workmanship. Also, that the Lord has a plan for my life. People…I’m a pastor’s kid.

I fully expect to facepalm in this writing journey stuff. I’ve already collected lots of rejections for stories I thought were spectacular. But here’s the truth about me:

I believe I will fail.

This is my secret. A dose of self-deprecating keeps it real for me, so that when I do fail, the fall is not so far. This is why rejections only hurt me a little. It’s like a bee sting–hurts at first and eventually goes away.

I’m guessing that there is someone horror-stricken by my confession. “She doesn’t think God is in control!”

Au contraire.

God’s given me this self-defense mechanism. I write because He’s given me stories. Sure, it’d be fanfreakingtastic to have a traditional publisher be all, “Here’s a fat contract.” But from where I stand, I don’t suffer any broken bones when I’m told no…even if it’s in a polite email.

There are approximately a million quotes on failure, but this one will show you my heart’s point of view (and writer’s know POV):

Coloring Inside the Lines

My first official post for this website will be something that I “ought” to write. Every inspiring author can tell you there are mountains of to-do lists and tips about becoming a real writer.

Have a website!

Get business cards!

Make sure to post to Facebook and Instagram, Twitter and Goodreads. EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

All of this while writing a new book and still living life (working full-time and being a wife and mom, for me).

My secret? I don’t do everything that is correct. And if I do, it’s not necessarily in order. Just ask my eternally patient agent.

So, while this first post is in the correct order, don’t hold me to any expectations. I will probably mess up the color scheme or forget to post on the right date. I just ate tacos and French fries for lunch. I forget to thank people. I forget names.

Hang in here with me and we’ll see if we can make a real author of me yet.

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